‘Finding Bigfoot’ is exercise in flu-tility

There’s a new sport sweeping the nation, if you consider bigfooting a sport. Most of us would call it hiking.

But do it in the woods, at night, with a camera, thermal-imaging equipment and a big imagination, and it’s called bigfooting. It’s a lot like snipe-hunting, only with bigger snipe. I suppose the only way to win is to bag a bigfoot, and so far no one has ever won at this wild game.

The Sasquatch craze is the result of the latest hit reality TV show “Finding Bigfoot” on the Animal Planet. Never mind that no actual bigfoot has ever been documented; apparently, it’s an animal with its own show. At least according to “Finding Bigfoot,” which features four fearless bigfooters who cross the country looking for this elusive creature.

I recently had the misfortune of coming down with the flu over the holidays during a “Finding Bigfoot” marathon. Blame it on the illness, medication or boredom, but I couldn’t stop watching this foursome going Squatching. It’s sort of like watching a train wreck, except there’s no train and it never actually wrecks.

I couldn’t help but think they all seem very familiar for some reason … that’s it. The leader of the group, Matt Moneymaker, who is the same guy who won that big poker tournament years ago and spent his fortune chasing bigfoot. He’s got all this high-tech equipment designed to find bigfoot but it all seems to be made by Acme.

And that’s not the only cartoon character connection to the show. He is joined by two meddling kids from the Scooby Doo gang – Velma, who now goes by Ranae, and Shaggy, now known as Bobo. It seems all those years of eating Scooby Snacks and cheeseburgers have caught up with him. The other guy is Cliff, fitting since he often takes logical leaps off them.

Together they go out in the woods and split up, a la Scooby Doo, and yell back and forth to one another. Apparently that’s the best way to catch a bigfoot, although how could you really tell? Until someone brings one of the hairy beasts in for a sit-down interview with Oprah and a DNA sample that proves he’s not a dude running around in the woods wearing an ape suit.

Hunting every other kind of animal on the planet involves being stelth; camos and quiet are the standard operating procedures. But when hunting bigfoot, the hoarse foursome believes its best to make as much noise as possible, employing fireworks, sirens and rave lights to bring in a big one. It seems Sasquatch likes to party.

Or not, as the show proves every week. The hunters get teased just enough to try it again next episode – a growl in the darkness, a tree knock, someone saying they saw, heard or smelled something bigfootish. How they know what that is I still haven’t figured out, but three of the four are convinced they were this close to catching one.

Like Velma, Ranae is the lone cynic. She needs scientific data or visual evidence before she buys into the bigfoot craze and is treated like an infidel by her peers. I expect her to call them out at some point: “Hey, I’m not the crazy one here.” But the other three beat her down with all kinds of bigfoot nonsense.

Bobo is by far the most far-fetched of the four (he claims bigfoots go under water and pluck ducks by their webbed feet) but all three guys are hook, line and sinker sold on Sasquatch. If a leaf hits the ground in a forest then Matt automatically assumes a bigfoot must have climbed the tree and shaken it.

The best part is when they call town-hall meetings for people who believe they’ve seen a bigfoot, and convince them they’ve seen a bigfoot. I saw a dark figure hiding in the trees. Oh, bigfoots are dark and hide in trees, so it must have been a bigfoot. I saw a fat hairy guy eating a taco. Wow, bigfoots are fat, hairy and LOVE tacos.

Then comes the big finale when they go out in the woods and try to catch one on tape. I don’t know if the producers run out in the woods a throw rocks at them and shake trees, but the four come away convinced they just missed getting one this time … but tune in next week when we go to Montana and almost catch another one.

It’s really a comedy wrapped in a reality show, but the suspense leads you to believe a bigfoot is just about to walk out of the woods and ask them to keep it down. Then he would probably want his own reality show, which might be just as entertaining – Bigfoot searching for intelligent human life. Now that would be a shot in the dark.

But I suppose there’s no harm in the booming popularity in bigfooting. In fact, it’s down-right healthy. If you keep on walking till you find one, it’s great exercise. But if you hear a tree break and ape-like howls, be very careful. It just might be four littlefoots plodding around the woods without a clue.

Comments

comments

Panthers, Sharks warm up for preseason tournament

Panthers, Sharks warm up for preseason tournamentThe Carolina Forest volleyball team got one last tune-up Thursday [more]

Week 0 Previews & Picks: Conway in coaching limbo

Week 0 Previews & Picks: Conway in coaching limboFor the first time in 35 years, a local high [more]

Pelicans score season-high 13 runs in win over Dash

Pelicans score season-high 13 runs in win over DashZack Short reached base five times and the Myrtle Beach Pelicans' [more]

Kickoff Countdown: Price has right recipe for Sharks

Kickoff Countdown: Price has right recipe for SharksFirst-year St. James High head coach Joey Price put a [more]

Coastal takes regional TV spotlight for UAB contest

Coastal takes regional TV spotlight for UAB contestThe UAB Department of Athletics and Raycom Sports have announced [more]

Pelicans' win streak ends; playoff tickets go on sale

Pelicans' win streak ends; playoff tickets go on sale Mike Rucker struck out nine batters over six innings on Wednesday [more]

Kickoff Countdown: NMB looks to ride momentum

Kickoff Countdown: NMB looks to ride momentumThe North Myrtle Beach High football team enters the 2017 [more]

CCU caps brutal exhibition schedule against Clemson

CCU caps brutal exhibition schedule against ClemsonCoastal Carolina’s men’s soccer team took on another top-10 ranked [more]

Kickoff Countdown: Braves riding quality over quantity

Kickoff Countdown: Braves riding quality over quantityIt's safe to say that Socastee High football coach Doug [more]

Pelicans work extra innings to net third straight victory

Pelicans work extra innings to net third straight victory The Myrtle Beach Pelicans won their third straight game for [more]

Pelicans sweep past Dash for fifth consecutive victory

Pelicans sweep past Dash for fifth consecutive victoryStrong starts from Ryan Kellogg and Casey Bloomquist in Tuesday's doubleheader [more]

Kickoff Countdown: `MB's Got Talent' hits TV this fall

Kickoff Countdown: `MB's Got Talent' hits TV this fallMyrtle Beach High football coach Mickey Wilson has heard all [more]

Kickoff Countdown: Tigers have skill to fill roles, holes

Kickoff Countdown: Tigers have skill to fill roles, holesNext man up. It's not only a philosophy the Conway [more]

Chants fall to Tar Heels in exhibition, eye Tigers next

Chants fall to Tar Heels in exhibition, eye Tigers nextCoastal Carolina men’s soccer team opened the 2017 season with [more]

Pearson's blast lifts Pelicans to rare back-to-back wins

Pearson's blast lifts Pelicans to rare back-to-back winsTyler Pearson's two-run home run and Kyle Miller's pitching Sunday [more]

Kickoff Countdown: Young Panthers hold real promise

Kickoff Countdown: Young Panthers hold real promiseThere's a youth movement under way in the Carolina Forest [more]

Paula, Hodges flex muscle, help Pelicans snap drought

Paula, Hodges flex muscle, help Pelicans snap droughtAdonis Paula matched a career-high with four hits while Jesse [more]

Chants take a test drive in first scrimmage of season

Chants take a test drive in first scrimmage of seasonThe Coastal Carolina football team held its 12th practice and [more]

Pelicans tie season-high losing skid at five games

Pelicans tie season-high losing skid at five gamesP.J. Higgins' first inning solo home run proved not to [more]

UPDATE: Rainy conditions cancel CNB Kickoff Classic

UPDATE: Rainy conditions cancel CNB Kickoff ClassicFootball-starved fans along the Grand Strand will have to wait [more]

Pelicans' rally bid falls short on P-Nats' walk-off homer

Pelicans' rally bid falls short on P-Nats' walk-off homerA Zack Short homer in the eighth inning Thursday capped [more]

Lady Chants, Famili earn respect in preseason poll

Lady Chants, Famili earn respect in preseason pollCoastal Carolina senior Daniella Famili was voted the Sun Belt [more]

Ex-Pelican Furcal returns for Fan Appreciation Day

Ex-Pelican Furcal returns for Fan Appreciation DayThe Myrtle Beach Pelicans will welcome back alumnus and former [more]

Myrtle Beach falters, looks to avoid sweep by P-Nats

Myrtle Beach falters, looks to avoid sweep by P-NatsTrent Giambrone's home run Wednesday wasn’t enough for the Myrtle [more]

New faces, familiar funning set stage for Kickoff Classic

New faces, familiar funning set stage for Kickoff ClassicWith apologies to Conway National Bank, the "CNB" Kickoff Classic [more]

Panthers, Sharks warm up for preseason tournament

Panthers, Sharks warm up for preseason tournamentThe Carolina Forest volleyball team got one last tune-up Thursday [more]

Week 0 Previews & Picks: Conway in coaching limbo

Week 0 Previews & Picks: Conway in coaching limboFor the first time in 35 years, a local high [more]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2017 Grand Strand Sports Report · RSS
Myrtle Beach Web Design
Kayaking in Myrtle Beach